If I am honest with myself I have to admit that there is quite some fear in me, in my heart. Maybe a lack of Basic Trust or the absence of Holding. But I know that, that’s not something new. I have been working a lot with Fear, in my art, in therapy, in self-conciousness groups. I thought I’d come over it.
But she’s back, arousen by a serious health issue, that almost got me killed. But I was not afraid of dying, no, on the contrary, when it became clear to me that I had no control over my condition at all, I was ready to go. And the being ready opened a space of soft warm welcoming light. Dying became something interesting.
Being rescued by some good people and doctors I noticed that being alive actually made me afraid. Yes, afraid to die, but not afraid of death. Maybe afraid of pain, suffering, of having to let go (again), to loose everything that is precious to me.
There is a lot to be afraid of right now. The wars, the changing climate, the growing power in the hands of a few. The polarization of so many issues. I am looking for this Sanctuary, outside and inside. I will have to look for Beacons of Light
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